Hold On
by ilovemaddy
Summary: [W I S H] a songfic using Sarah Mclachlan's song. Keywords: Last chapter of Wish, Sarah Mclachlan, shinigami, depressing
1. Default Chapter

**Hold On - a Wish Songfic  
Song by: Sarah Mclachlan **

**Disclaimer: **CLAMP owns "Wish" Sarah Mclachlan owns the song, the Shinigami is an original character but was loosely based on "Sandman's" Death,which is owned by Neil Gaiman. I don't own anything except this story. Everyone got that?

**Author's Note: **Hello again, everyone. Welcome to my first ever completed songfic. I finally did it! An actual songfic. It's probably too long for a songfic, but... I so happy, anyway. Please review. 

___________________________

Kohaku truly believed everything would be fine. True, he was stripped of his power, and yes, he was stuck in that ridiculous cherub form no man could possibly find attractive, but it didn't matter.

All that mattered was that Shuichiro had come to realize a wish he couldn't grant himself, and summoning powers or no, Kohaku could grant it.

Wanted to grant it. 

It was an extraordinary feeling, the one he had when Shuichiro-san asked him to stay forever. Kohaku felt like he was flying. Only that was silly, he couldn't fly anymore. And he had flown a million times before, and none of times ever made him feel like hid did at that moment. 

It also felt a little bit like Heaven, but not really, either. Kohaku knew what Heaven was like, and he had rejected it to be with Shuichiro. 

No, it was more wonderful than anything he'd ever known before.   
  
_~* Hold on, hold on to yourself *~_

He should have known it couldn't last.

_~* For this is gonna hurt like hell *~_

Kohaku had been so happy. He was in Suichiro-san's arms, and they were going home. They both finally realized their feelings for each other, and were going to be together forever. For a moment, the future looked bright for both of them. 

_~* Hold on, hold on to yourself, *~_

The next thing Kohaku knew, he was tugging at Shuchiro-san's lifeless body begging him to wake up.  
  
'He can't be dead,' Kohaku thought desperately. They were going to be together forever. 

_~* You know that only time will tell *~_

Forever had not even begun yet.

___________________________

  
Shuichiro's passing left quite a wake. Even Ruri and Hari, who were minions of hell, mourned for him. He was just that kind of person.

But no one took it harder than Kohaku.

Hisui tried to comfort the smaller angel. It broke his heart to see his apprentice in such despair. 

Kokuyo did his part as well. He had grown fond of the well-meaning, if clumsy, angel. 

Hisui's influence on him was very strong indeed.

He told Kohaku about the book where every human's length of life was listed, about the feelings he had been having, and about how Shuichiro's death was pre-destined and not God's way of punishing Kohaku for his desertion of his Heavenly duties. 

Still, Kohaku cried.

_~*What is it in me that refuses to believe *~_

He wanted so badly to fulfill Shuichiro-san's wish. He owed him so much. Not only for saving him from the crow and letting stay with him the first night they met, but also for helping him find Hisui-sama, and for welcoming him and Kokuyo into his home to protect them from the anger of Heaven and Hell. He owed him so much more than he could ever hope to pay. 

But he thought he had forever to at least try to repay him for his kindness.

Just then, the Heavens opened up, and an Usyagi, a messenger of God, descended. It brought instructions for Kohaku's punishment. 

Koryuu glared at the Usyagi as if to say, "It's rabbit season."

Kohaku's punishment, if it could be called that, was extremely merciful. He was to sleep for the duration of his punishment, which was a hundred years, and when he awoke, Shuichiro's soul would have been reborn. 

_~* This isn't easier than the real thing *~_

Hohaku should have been grateful. After all, a hundred years was not that long for an angel. But when he had thought himself stuck in the past and wouldn't see Shuichiro for another thirteen years, he thought it would be unbearable. How would he manage to wait a hundred years?

He told himself anything was better than never really seeing him again.

_~* My love, you know that you're my best friend,   
You know I'd do anything for you  
My love, let nothing come between us  
My love for you is strong and true *~_

Kohaku felt a little frightened as he was being led to outside. No doubt it would be dark inside the tree. He wondered how it feel inside. Would he dream? Would he feel time passing? Would he still feel the pain Shuichiro's death had caused?

_~* Am I in heaven here or am I...  
At the crossroads I am standing *~_

He would find out soon enough, he supposed. 

Kohaku was frightened, but the thought of seeing Shuichiro alive again made him braver. 

Shuichiro's life had been mostly lonely. He hoped the next one would be better for him, with more reasons for him to smile. 

He loved seeing him smile.

_~* So now you're sleeping peaceful  
I lie awake and pray  
You'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day  
And we will praise him  
I love the light that brings a smile across your face *~_

  
Before he fell asleep, he said a prayer for the protection of Shuichiro-san's soul until it was time for his rebirth. 

He realized that it was his first real prayer, as he and God only used to talk through either the Usyagi or the Archangels. And when they did, it was only to send and receive instructions and reports. 

Before, he met Shuichiro-san, he didn't have a wish either.

_~* Oh god, if you're out there won't you hear me  
I know that we've never talked before  
But oh God, the man I love is leaving  
Won't you take him when he comes to your door.*~_

___________________________

  
From a distance, Shuichiro watched Kohaku disappear into the wisteria tree.

He felt a great sadness where his heart would be if he were alive. He couldn't help thinking he had failed Kohaku somehow. He meant to take care of him. It was his fault Kohaku got punished, after all. 

And in return, Kohaku promised to stay with him forever. Shuichiro loved Kohaku, and Kohaku loved him. He never had to be alone again.

He had spent most of his life alone. His parents, who weren't even really his parents, left him at an early age and he never really had any close friends growing up. He was used to loneliness. After a while he didn't even feel it anymore. 

Until Kohaku entered his life.

Shuichiro knew he was anti-social. Only Kohaku had been patient enough with his to keep tying to get him to open up. He asked him questions about his life, but backed off when Shuichiro didn't feel like answering. 

In time he learned to relax a little, thanks to Kohaku. He had even taken a day off once to go to the fair with him. He found himself gradually being cured of his workaholism.

When Kohaku returned to Heaven, Shuichiro missed him immediately. He found he couldn't return to his old lifestyle. Found it didn't suit him anymore.

And he felt lonelier than ever. He never wanted to feel that way again. One minute he never would and the next he was alone again, except for the Shinigami who appeared the night he watched helplessly as Kohaku wept for a corpse that lay crumpled on the sidewalk. 

The corpse who was wearing his clothes.

_~* Am I in heaven here or am I in hell?  
At the crossroads I am standing *~_

"Destiny really sucks sometimes," the Shinigami who appeared to be female and in her teens remerked. She said it as if destiny were a person she knew. Shuichiro merely gave her a sideways glance.

She was dressed in black from head to foot, but her clothes looked pretty contemporary.

"I mean," she continued. "Look at you, you're not sick. You're a doctor. You would've known if you were. And you were always so careful with that cool-ass bike of yours. And yeah, so you smoke. Big deal. You were hardly a chain-smoker. Normally, dudes like you would live to be a hundred."

She noticed his silence. "Uh, am I making this worse for you?" 

"It's alright," Shuichiro replied. "You- you're not what I expected."

"Well, I forgot my scythe," the Shinigami shrugged. "Death's a scary-looking dude in a shroud, is that what you believe?"

"I don't know."

"Well, what do you believe in?"

Shuichiro wondered that himself sometimes. He had seen too much weirdness in his life not to believe in the supernatural. And because he met Kohaku, he believed in miracles.

"You don't say much, do you?" the Shinigami remarked, interrupting his thoughts. "You know, you remind me of someone... hold on, I'll think of it..."

"I get that a lot." Shuichiro told her.

When everyone left the garden to go back inside, he made his way towards the tree that held Kohaku. He didn't want anyone to see him. Especially not the demons. They were civil enough to him when he was alive, but he knew they ate souls and he wasn't taking any chances. 

He stared at Kohaku's tree, and wondered whether Kohaku felt comfortable enough inside it.

Then he smiled slightly. Kohaku could feel comfortable sleeping in a laundry hamper. He had nothing to worry about. 

He wondered whether Kohaku was ever coming out of that tree, and if he did, whether they would be able to see each other again. He hoped so. 

_~* So now you're sleeping peaceful,   
I lie awake and pray  
You'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day  
And we will praise him  
I love the light that brings a smile across your face *~_

The Shinigami tapped him gently on the shoulder. When Shuichiro turned to face her he saw that there was a doorway a few feet behind her. She took him by the arm and together they walked towards it. 

Shuichiro tried to look inside the doorway to see where it led, but it was filled with a brilliant white light and he couldn't see anything. 

"Where does this lead?' Shuichiro asked her. 

"You'll find out," she said simply. 

Shuichiro couldn't argue with that logic, so he cast one last wistful look at Kohaku's tree, and walked in. 

The door, along with Shuichiro, disappeared immediately afterwards. 

The Shinigami sighed. She hated this fucking job.

A moment later, she was gone as well. 

A sound like that of the beating of mighty wings filled Shuichiro Kudo's garden. When it stopped, there was only silence.

_~* Hold on, hold on to yourself,   
For this is gonna hurt like hell. *~  
_

___________________________

Thanks for reading! Hope y'all liked it.


	2. Author's Note

Um, not a new chapter, poeple, it's just that I'd like to voice out my reaction to some of your comments  
  
This whole gender issue has been discussed so many times I didn't think it was necessary for *me* to bring it up it again.   
  
Like some of you, I read the scanlations first, not TokyoPop's version, and it was implied that ALL angels, Kohaku and Hisui included, are guys. I really don't see ahy this is an issue since they're supposed to be androgynous. I use masculine pronouns because that's like, the default for the English language, isn't it? Anyway, I prefer to think of Hisui and Kohaku as guys. it seems cooler that way.   
  
Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure Kokuyo and Kouryuu are androgynous as well, but there's no doubt in anyone's minds that they're guys. *cough*even though Koryuu's such a slut*cough*  
  
Anyway, I hope this clears things up. Thanks for reading and for the reviews. "Hold On" is a one-shot fic, but I'm working on other "Wish" fics, I hope y'all read and review those when I post them as well. (Oh, and please R&R "After the Fall" as well. Bye!) 


End file.
